To The One

I’ll probably never find you, but in case fate is kind to me in this first lifetime… here goes.

First of all, I couldn’t be more thankful that you even exist. There have been several points in my life when I’ve doubted I would be as lucky as those around me. My friends have gone on to marriages less than ten years after college, and yet here I am: single, stressed and alone. A part of me always wondered whether there was something wrong with me. There were times when I would look at myself in the mirror and scrutinize every inch of my face in hopes of finding the reason behind my unattractiveness. Was there a pimple I didn’t notice? An ugly scar perhaps?. I was this close to calling myself an old maid before you came along. So, thank you for that.

Secondly, thank you for accepting me and loving me just the way I am. I know that there are more beautiful and smart girls out there, and yet here you are, settling down with someone like me. I’m sorry for talking like this again, but you know how it was for me growing up. I’ve never been the most confident girl in the world: especially when it comes to my appearance and my personality.

No one in my life has been more supportive and more encouraging to me. You saw me as beautiful when the only thing I worried about was the fact that I couldn’t fit into anything. I remember that time you laughed at me when I told you I was conscious about the pimple that had grown on my cheek. Instead of handing me the cream on my dresser, you threw it in the trash and kissed me, telling me that it didn’t matter. “You’re still the most beautiful girl in the world to me,” you whispered then. That was the sweetest thing someone’s ever told me. That’s how I knew you were the One.

I know that life has its uncertainties and fate is never kind. But even when things close their eyes to the possibility of happening, there’s nothing wrong in embracing hope.

This is what I leave you with: a message of certainty. I know I’ve said much but even I know that the possibility of this reality lacks a certain probability. Just know that if ever I do meet you, and if ever things do go through as planned…or even if they don’t, I’ll always be hopeful. Even when it seems like my life will reach its fated end.

Signed

A Certain Hopeful Dreamer

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Tomorrow he goes back home. 

I want to write a letter but I don’t know what to say. Even though there’s so much I want to, words just aren’t enough to explain just how in love I am right now. I’m afraid the letter could freak him out and he would just end up more than happy to leave me behind. I know he’s got a life of his own back there, and even I won’t be enough reason for him to stay. 

  That’s why it hurts so much. The last three months were the most beautiful months of my life, and I’m so afraid to let everything go. I have nowhere to go back to now, nowhere except his arms. I wish he would realize how much my heart is breaking now that its all going to be over. If I didn’t have a reason to live I would’ve been dead by now. Sadie keeps me alive, and he knows it. I just wish he would know I loved him too. 

  They say the best way to let go of your feelings is to write them down, but unfortunately it doesn’t seem to be working. The more I write, the more my heart breaks and my soul leaves me behind. I’m not even sure I can live through tomorrow and allow myself to say goodbye once more. I’ve said it too much. The pain of it kills me like a cancer I know I can’t cure. I feel like if I say it one more time I’ll die of some unknown hurt only I can feel. 

 So this is why I’m writing this: to let go of it all and to just stay the same. Tomorrow I leave for California and hopefully, college. I’ve been nothing short of fortunate to receive the opportunity to study and I’m going to take it. 

 But even when all these dreams come true and my world will someday be happy, the memory of this summer is hard to leave behind. They may say that love is as powerful, but it is regret that you must watch out for. Regret haunts you like a thief in the night, like a plague waiting to suck out your soul and remind you of the mistakes that you’ve made. 

 

 

Outburst: A Slices of Life Election Special

Now that the election is over and the votes (have almost) been counted, I’ve found myself at a loss for words no more. I am happy to report that there is a lot to say, and I can’t wait to get started.

1. Treacherous Ignorance 

I would like to say that I would have had a lot to say about how Nancy Binay managed to make it into the top twelve of the senatorial slate, but I have no right. Considering I am of legal voting age,  there is this pervading sense of guilt within me. I could (and actually do have) the opportunity to cast my vote against this notorious female, but I did not. Therefore, it is a national sin on my part that I didn’t put in my two cents during this year’s election.

Although I feel as though the question remains: would my vote have made much difference? A part of me feels as though it would’ve, another feels the opposite. Yet either way, it would not have hurt to try. I would’ve actually felt like I had done something to help my senatorial bets (Risa Hontiveros, Dick Gordon…) somehow try to pry their way into the mythical magic twelve. But what’s done is done, and there’s still 2016 to go. By then I plan to already register myself and make my voice count. There’s no way I’m letting this happen twice.

2. Effort, teh? 

Now this, I can talk about.

Apparently Nancy Binay plans to attend a crash course at UPD in preparation for her new oJt. (J-job).

Well, you’ve got to commend her for the ‘effort’ of actually preparing herself for a six-year stint alongside individuals like Miriam Defensor-Santiago, but honestly I’m a bit doubtful about this. There’s something about it that screams ‘i-want-to-look-competent-therefore-i-publicize-this’. I’m sure the course will happen, but I don’t like how they need to tell the world about it.

The true question is: will a crash course at UPD even be enough against Miriam’s years of training in law?

I can’t wait for the televised senate debates. >:)

3. Im-Poe-ssible is Nothing. 

I want to know how Grace Poe managed to make it to number one. As far as I’m concerned she wasn’t even one of the top candidates for the job and yet this is what happens. I wasn’t too fond of her because of the ad campaigns that practically branded her as FPJ’s kid, but the inevitability of Philippine politics just had to slap me in the face. Either way, she’s the lesser of two evils. Unlike Nancy Binay, Poe proves to be more academically and mentally equipped for the senate. Poe label aside, she proves to be a smart and capable individual who might just make things better for our country.

Unlike Binay, Poe happened to be a frequent guest during senatorial debates while Binay was a no-show in the senatorial debate circuit. I personally believe that this proves Poe wasn’t too afraid of having to speak about her platforms, and I find that to be a plus for her. Although the Poe stigma is something that I dislike about Grace. I’m not putting all my eggs in her basket, but I’ll leave one. Here’s to hoping she’ll do this country good.

4. Speaking Activity

I am very much thankful for the sudden influx of senatorial forums and debates, as they provide perfect venues for dialogue between prospective senatorial candidates and their constituents. They also increase the percentage of informed voters. I am so keen about debates that I believe they should be a part of the criteria utilized to decide whether someone is fit for the position of senator. Case in point: Nancy Binay.

In my opinion, Binay didn’t join the debates for two reasons: one, she can’t talk; two, she was (and probably still is) scared. Had she been more confident  she would’ve at least attended one or two forums. These mediums would have given her the chance to speak about her platforms so that people could better understand the reason behind her push for a senate seat. Instead she opted not to show up in a single debate, opting for the cheesiest of campaign methods: the motorcade. Seriously? Waving to people won’t do much. Her lack of participation in educated conversation about pressing political issues proves her run for the senatorial seat was poorly planned and not originally intended. I feel as though had this been a serious thing, she would’ve had a platform to speak about during debates, and more importantly: she wouldn’t actually be afraid of engaging in debates in the first place! Now maybe this is why she’s taking that crash course in UP.

Well, you have to commend her for showering up before dipping her feet into the Senatorial ocean.

5. Harder.Better.Faster.Stronger.

Results aside, I would like to take this opportunity to commend the COMELEC for a brisk election count. Gone are the days of Manila paper mayhem and manual counting! PCOS disasters were abound during election day, but at least this has not affected the transmission of majority of the results. Lets hope the glitches that plagued the election this year won’t make an even worse comeback in 2016! Hello, tech voting. We hope you’re here to stay.

 

Of First Times and Fulfilled Dreams

Hi 3M! 🙂

P.S. I was hoping to type this up as a personal FB message, but I’m expecting it to be long so I’m sorry for posting it here hehe :D. Anyways, read on…

Grabe, it feels just like it was yesterday that we started this journey together, and now its almost over. I honestly didn’t even realize that today would be our last official lecture day. 😦 I’m still at that stage of disbelief that its going to be over, that I won’t be going to CTC 306 at 1:00 every M-F  to meet you guys anymore :”(. If I had the chance, I’d want things to go on forever (minus the academic aspect hihi). But life goes on, and that time will come when this summer will find its end. Don’t worry, there’s next summer pa! ❤

__________________________________________________________________________________

Growing up, I always had this weird interest in blackboards, chalk and pretending to teach. I remember playing with this weird blackboard toy of mine (kahit waley kwenta siya) and pretending to teach imaginary children how to write the alphabet in cursive form. As I grew older, I transitioned to a mini whiteboard and a mini marker. I even recall making up fake definitions and writing false notes on my board as though I were actually teaching people (people that didn’t exist).

I always saw those weird interests as nothing more than eccentricities, and I honestly never thought I would get the actual chance to ‘teach’. Until now.

Thank you for making my dream come true and giving me the opportunity to teach you. I hope that in some little way, we have managed to impart to you a renewed appreciation and interest in the English language. I apologize for the times when we haven’t been at our best.

In addition to fulfilling my dream, I have you guys to thank for rekindling my love of English. It was through reading your essays that I found myself revisiting the aspects of writing that had long eluded me. The insights you provided are ideas and opinions to be proud of, and I hope you guys continue that. Improve your grammar by reading more, listening more and even writing more. Broaden your mind and expand your insight by further exploring the world around you. Who knows, you might find yourself as smitten by the English language as I was. Know that your writings have inspired me, and made me vividly remember the reason for my love of this beautiful subject. So for that, thank you again. 🙂

I know that I’m not always the most expressive/hyper among your four tutors, but know that I’m nothing short of proud of you guys for all the achievements you’ve garnered throughout the summer. Continue to strive for the best, hope for the best and work your hardest in everything you do. Excellence is a must! ❤

Lastly, I wish all of you the very best in your endeavors. I hope that you all achieve your dreams of becoming doctors, civil engineers, champion table tennis players, pilots, chemical engineers, writers, etc. I couldn’t be more thankful to have taught a class as wonderful as you guys. I’m hoping to see you guys again next summer, and maybe on campus (as a schoolmate) in two to three year’s time. :-).

Know that all of us will always be here for you guys when you need someone to talk to, when you need someone to confide to, etc. 🙂  I wish you all the very, very best of luck on your final exams next week. Do your very best, study hard, and most importantly, pray 🙂

In conclusion, thank you for making this summer the best summer of my life so far. :”) (hihi) #notkidding

Love

Ate Colleen

“Like the fantasies of yesterday

No real memory does fade away.

Only sounds of silence close their eyes,

And wave farewell to say goodbye.”