Tomorrow he goes back home.
I want to write a letter but I don’t know what to say. Even though there’s so much I want to, words just aren’t enough to explain just how in love I am right now. I’m afraid the letter could freak him out and he would just end up more than happy to leave me behind. I know he’s got a life of his own back there, and even I won’t be enough reason for him to stay.
That’s why it hurts so much. The last three months were the most beautiful months of my life, and I’m so afraid to let everything go. I have nowhere to go back to now, nowhere except his arms. I wish he would realize how much my heart is breaking now that its all going to be over. If I didn’t have a reason to live I would’ve been dead by now. Sadie keeps me alive, and he knows it. I just wish he would know I loved him too.
They say the best way to let go of your feelings is to write them down, but unfortunately it doesn’t seem to be working. The more I write, the more my heart breaks and my soul leaves me behind. I’m not even sure I can live through tomorrow and allow myself to say goodbye once more. I’ve said it too much. The pain of it kills me like a cancer I know I can’t cure. I feel like if I say it one more time I’ll die of some unknown hurt only I can feel.
So this is why I’m writing this: to let go of it all and to just stay the same. Tomorrow I leave for California and hopefully, college. I’ve been nothing short of fortunate to receive the opportunity to study and I’m going to take it.
But even when all these dreams come true and my world will someday be happy, the memory of this summer is hard to leave behind. They may say that love is as powerful, but it is regret that you must watch out for. Regret haunts you like a thief in the night, like a plague waiting to suck out your soul and remind you of the mistakes that you’ve made.